Saturday, February 17, 2018

Teen Dating Violence

If you were on your first date and sometime during dinner your date reached across the table and slapped you, would you 1), get up from the table and leave? 2) date this person again?  3) file assault charges 4) talk to a domestic violence counselor?  5) never talk to  this person again?  6) accept an apology but never date this person again?  7) believe the lie they told and date this person again?  Chances are you would not ever see this person again.  Why?  Because there was not time enough to build an emotional connection to this relationship.

But say that you were going together for 3 months.  First it was verbal contro.  Examples of verbal control might include making you account for every minute you spent apart, questioning who you called and what you discussed, even questioning what your family members talked to you about at the dinner table.
You might catch your date secretly looking through your wallet or purse or reading your mail.  Heaven forbid if you found out your diary was read!

Driving secretive behavior is justified jealously in their mind!  When caught spying on you, your date declares such strong love for you that he/she can't harbor a single thought of you breaking up for any reason.  You may be flattered that this "love" is so strong but you should RUN and RUN FAST!  This person is too insecure for a meaningful relationship, ever.

Jealousy is NOT LOVE.  It is founded in insecurity and used to control another person.   (If you are jealous of your partner, you need professional help to break this cycle of control.  It won't go away by itself and will not be cured on its own.  You will always find partners to overpower and control and in the end they too will leave you.  And eventually you find yourself in court, charged with a felony crime of stalking or harrassing, both felony crimes, even though domestic violence by itself is a civil case.)

Control will esclate to the next level.  One sign is phyically checking your cell phone in/out calls and messages, taking your car keys so you can't drive away, stalking you at public places, work and home, which might include peeking through your bedroom  window.  The partner may be very bold and call your parents or friends to discuss your business.

So say you break up but then are talked into a dinner.  You let slip that you find a certain other person attractive which leads your date to reach across the table and slap you very hard.  You leave the table and go home.

Later your date calls hysterical, pleading for another chance and threatening suicide or some other such desperate act.  Their pleadings and threats go on for days.  Finally you give in, forgive and agree to date again.

You are now entering the next level of increased control, using physical force.  And from there the threats get more graphic, the physical violence esclates and your family members and/or pets may be threatened with harm or in fact physically harmed.

You may end up in the hospital with broken bones or on life support.  This happens.

Then too, there are many forms of sexual abuse, brutality and torture during teen dating. These descriptions will be added later.


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