Saturday, February 17, 2018

Healing Your Inner Child

Depending on the level of violation, your child-spirit may be slightly wounded, seriously damaged, sickly twisted or fully destroyed. Is is OK to grieve over  any or all of these losses.  It will be painful.  I encourage you to cry, for as long as it takes, to free the terrible pain, overwhelming loss and emptiness you kept locked inside.  All the tears you never allowed yourself to shed must be shed now.  And they will come in buckets.  Go for it!

Here are my observations:  Humans are given the gift of feeling and expressing a wide range of emotions.  These are a gift from God Almighty but we often are trained as children not to give into them.  Sad really.  To laugh, cry, mourn, rage, grieve, love and feel joy is to be human.   Children who suffer abuse, brutality, torture and sexual violations learn early to suppress normal human emotions.  For them to heal, they must relive their trauma and allow all the range of emotions to surface.

Your may feel shame, and guilt and embarrassment too. It too will pass.  As a child you were not responsible for what was done to you.  You were the victim and now you will move on to be a proud survivor!  Each phase is the process of healing.  Oh yes, it hurts and it hurts very deep.  But keep moving on.  Once you relive your past, you will be free.

Acknowledging the loss of your innocent self is part of healing.  Think about this for a while.  Mull it over.  Allow yourself to revisit painful memories in order to understand just how these actions have harmed you.

Go easy as it will be a painful journey.  Use patience.

Many factors determine how long the healing will take place.  From my study and personal experience, it depends on the basic elements.

Who was the perpetrator?

  • family or kin 
  • extended family member
  • trusted community member (i.e. church member, scout leader, etc)
  • non-kin
  • neighbor or family acquaintance
  • teacher
  • babysitter
  • multiple perpetrators
How long did the abuse last?
  • Once
  • Several times
  • Over many years
  • Multiple times with multiple perpetrators

What type was the violence?

  • Was it Mental?
  • Was it Physical?
  • Was it Sexual?

There is a big difference between them individually. Most often they are combined.  It is extreme violence for a child to experience these together.

Then ask,

  • Was it Abuse?
  • Was it Brutality?
  • Was it Torture?
  • Was it CRAT?

Sexual contact does far more damage to a child

  • the relationship or family connection you have to the sexual predator (a parent or sibling; distant relative or neighbor)
  • degree of sexual violence
  • type of sexual violation (incest, rape, molestation, same sex contact)
  • whether there were physical injuries from sexual contact
  • whether untreated child sexual injuries (STD's) rendered you sterile
  • pregnancy occurred, forced birth, adoption, or abortion
  • ritual sexual torture
  • the level of blame, responsibility and secrecy forced on you
  • the number of years you have carried the responsibility for your abuse

If you are a child: acts of physical or sexual violence against you are NOT your fault, no matter what you are told.  Under 13 years of age even the courts admit you don't have the capability to make this choice.

If you are a teen: what happened to you as a young child impacts your life now, whether you are aware of this fact or not. If you were brutally beaten and mentally tortured, one way to resist additional mental harm is to leave your body.  If this has been your way to handle such stress, I would recommend professional help if you have the finances.  If you don't, keep reading.

If you were sexually abused at an early age teen girls often confuse love with sex and therefore become labeled as easy.  A sexually abused child makes for an easier sexual target, regardless of their age. It may be impossible for you to resist advances depending on how complete your training was at an early age.  Child sexual abuse victims don't grow up with sexual boundaries even if the experience was violent or brutal.

Sexually abused children say, "There is nothing left to save for marriage.  It was all taken from me by the time I was 8 years old."

Never mind.  Society places so much false emphasis on virginity when the ancient definition meant "renewable forever."

If you are teen sexual predator, because of your experiences, please seek mental help and stop the cycle.

If you are an adult perpetrator of violence: break the cycle of aggressor

If you are an addict: late stage addicts often report unresolved acts of violence they experienced as children, admitting decades later that still there is not enough addictive combinations to block their memories.

Healing from all forms of trauma is an important step in redeveloping a functioning adult.




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